Much has changed in the digital world in the past six years, but long-time teacher Diana Graber said many of the tools needed to teach children digital literacy don't require technical skills.
Graber is the co-founder of Cyberwise, an online safety and digital literacy organization. And the creator of Cyber Civics, a middle school digital citizenship and literacy program. Graber has a B.A. in Communication Studies from UCLA and an M.A. in Media Psychology and Social Change from Fielding Graduate University.
In 2019, Graber published her book, “Raising Humans in a Digital World.” Since the book was published, the digital landscape has evolved exponentially. A global pandemic forced young people to participate in virtual learning and to live their lives in the digital world. Apps like TikTok and Instagram grew in popularity. Artificial intelligence has advanced and found its way into the mainstream. Although she could not foresee all these changes when she wrote the book, Graber said the book's premise remains the same.
“It's not about the tools. It's about preparing your kids with the behaviors and the responsibility to use whatever new technology comes, to use it in a very safe, responsible and wise way. So that will not change, no matter what comes at us,” Graber said.
Although the digital landscape can seem daunting for parents and educators, Graber said there is still agency in the decisions made and how to raise children. She stressed the importance of having face-to-face interaction with children, especially when they are young. Graber said empathy skills will help them later, when they do go online. Because they can't see facial expressions, but they will still understand how their world would impact others.
“It's important because we want to be able to remain human and to understand that behind every screen is a real person with real feelings. And you can only understand that if you spend that time face to face, communicating, interacting with real humans,” Graber said.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents are encouraged to use technology with their child. It’s a technique called “co-viewing,” which allows parents to monitor what their child watches while also teaching critical thinking. Graber said it is an opportunity to bond with children while also teaching them to use technology responsibly.
“Watch a YouTube video with them, explain AI, if you're using some sort of chatbot, or you're talking to Siri or whatever, explain to them what you're doing that's not a human. This is how it works, and this is why I'm using it. All of that is really important, and it sets children up for success in the future,” Graber said.
Another benefit of co-viewing is that it opens conversation. Graber said as children get older and become teenagers, they are more likely to open up about their digital life because they're used to talking to their parents.
“So when they run into trouble or problems, which they are going to for sure, or if something inappropriate happens, they're not afraid to talk to their parent about it, because they've already established that kind of relationship,” Graber said.
A 2025 Pew Research study found that roughly 1 in 5 U.S. teenagers reported using TikTok and YouTube almost constantly. The study also found that 64 percent of teenagers said they use chatbots and about 3 in 10 reported doing it daily.
In Connecticut, legislators are supporting bills that seek to regulate AI technologies. Specifically, mitigating risks associated with minors’ usage of AI chatbots. Under the proposed regulations, companies would need to disclose to users that the AI chatbot is not human. Chatbots would also be prohibited from encouraging sexually explicit, illegal or harmful conduct to minors.
Several other bills have addressed other concerns. They propose measures such as prohibiting minors' access to social media platforms and banning cell phones in public schools. But Graber said that we shouldn't be so fixated on banning certain social media for children as a sole solution.
“This is a big, complex digital ecosystem that we need to prepare our students to use or be parts of in very safe, wise and wonderful ways, and we're not doing that by just blocking it,” Graber said.
Instead, she said parents and schools need to do more to provide digital literacy lessons with a focus on AI literacy and digital citizenship. She said in addition to having conversations at home, children should be getting a digital media literacy curriculum at school. If not, she encourages parents to contact their local school district to set that in place.
“I mean, we've got AI coming fast and furious, so we need to look ahead, not backward, and really prepare these kids,” Graber said. “It is invisible, and it's everywhere, and kids are interacting with it already. So we are missing the boat, educating them for the future by looking at the past.”
Resources:
- Diana Graber’s book, Raising Humans in a Digital World, and additional resources are available on her website.
- Cyber Civics and Cyberwise offer tools and guidance for parents and educators.
- Graber co-hosts a podcast with Dr. Pamela Rutledge focused on technology, social media and youth well-being.
- The American Academy of Pediatrics provides guidelines on screen time and resources through its Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health.
WSHU’s Jeniece Roman speaks with educator and author Diana Graber about helping young people build a healthy relationship with technology.
WSHU: Since you published your book in 2019, there have been a lot of significant changes in society. There's been a global pandemic, TikTok, and AI, with all of these changes happening; what would you say to parents who may feel overwhelmed with how to navigate all of that? Where should they start?
DG: Well, you know, I could not foresee all the changes that would happen in just a very, very short time, but I think, like the premise of the book, is still the same. It's not about the tools. It's about preparing your kids with the behaviors and the responsibility to use whatever new technology comes to use it in a very safe, responsible and wise way, so that will not change, no matter what comes at us.
WSHU: How does the use of certain technology impact a child developmentally?
DG: Yeah, so I always try to stress, I mean, as much as possible, especially when children are little, if you could really double down on the time that they have face-to-face interaction with real humans. I mean the skills they build when they do that, the empathy and the feeling and seeing when someone's feelings are hurt because they see them crying or whatever, all of those things are indispensable skills, and they will serve them well when they do go online And they can't see facial expressions or understand how the impact of their words might feel to somebody else. So I think that's the most important thing, and really, that face-to-face time becomes important throughout the developmental cycle of a child. I mean, I would argue for adults, it's important because we want to be able to remain human and to understand that behind every screen is a real person with real feelings, and you can only understand that really, if you spend that time face to face, you know, communicating, interacting with real humans,
WSHU: There can be a lot of debate on whether children should have access to devices or social media, and when, if at all, that should be introduced. Are there some solid rules that parents should follow?
DG: Well, you know, the biggest rule, I wouldn't say it's a rule, but it's a guideline that you get from the American Academy of Pediatrics and all the organizations, is that when a child's using technology, especially when they're younger, to do it together with them. You know that co-viewing and explaining that that's really indispensable and it's really key. And you know, the way that our environment is today. I mean, the media is everywhere. You know, AI is everywhere. Tools are everywhere. So it's almost impossible to keep even a young child from using devices or being engaged with technology in one manner and or another. So as much as possible for a child to do that with them. Watch a YouTube video with them, explain AI, if you're using some sort of chatbot, or you're talking to Siri or whatever, explain to them what you're doing that's not a human. This is how it works, and this is why I'm using it. All of that is really important, and it sets children up for success in the future, when they start using these tools on their own, you know, it does something else really important, too. When a parent shares what they're doing with technology with the child, it opens a conversation. And that becomes really important as a child gets older, because they're used to talking to their parents about their digital life, and so when they run into trouble or problems which they are going to for sure, or that something inappropriate happens, they're not afraid to talk to their parent about it, because they've already established that kind of relationship, and that becomes really important as they get older.
WSHU: And going back to something that you mentioned, you know these AI chatbots, what are some signs that parents might be able to pick up on that, maybe a tale that their children are engaging with someone online or a chatbot? How can parents talk to their children about that?
DG: It's funny that you mentioned that because we were so worried about parasocial relationships, and now those relationships aren't even with humans. So it's like it's exacerbated our worry even more. And again, it goes back to conversation and really knowing what your children are doing online. I mean, take a minute to see, you know, who they are conversing with, and are they spending hours and hours with these things? Are they spending hours and hours with these things? And is it a thing or a person? Just that, awareness is probably more important now than it's ever been, because, you know, the possible dangers or concerns have ratcheted up with all these new technologies.
WSHU: What are ways that parents can talk to their children or teens about staying safe online, and maybe perhaps, what are some ways that parents might be inadvertently sharing online information about their children?
DG: Oh, boy, that's a big question. So a big part of that is what we call “Sharenting.” You know, parents understandably are anxious to share pictures and information about their children. And the thing about that is, you know, you're sharing their personal information, and right now, with AI, you know, AI trains on everything we put online. So not only are we exposing them to risk. We are also training AI tools to share their information. So, you know, that's such an important topic for parents to really sit down and think about. There are so many ways that they can, you know, share their children with a private group, or just through text messaging, if what they want to do is share with relatives and friends. But just to be aware, you know that number one, a child is going to reach 13 or 16, and they're not going to be very happy that their parent has shared these pictures with them at that point, they're going to feel very embarrassing to them, which is exactly what I hear from kids in the classroom, you know. But number two is, a lot of times when we share pictures there, there's metadata in those images, so you're exposing your child to so much risk because it shows where they are, who they're with. All of that is part of that metadata. So you know, there are so many reasons to be mindful these days about sharing your child's personal information and protecting their privacy online for a million different reasons.
WSHU: What about technology use within schools, because I know that sometimes certain school districts may use third-party apps. Is there some way that parents can be involved or speak with the school district about that information?
DG: Yeah, I think parents should absolutely be talking to their schools and their districts about what technology is being used in the classroom, because all of that, you're right, it's collecting personal information, and that's one of the reasons that cyber civics are our curriculum is led by teachers in the classroom because we don't want to collect any information on the students or the teachers. So we are really advocates as much as possible, delivering lessons, particularly digital literacy lessons in person, in conversation, letting kids talk to each other, because that's how they really make sense of this digital world.
WSHU: And I want to sort of pivot there, actually, because you mentioned educators, and I know that there is sort of an interesting conversation happening now where you will have school districts that have A.I. curriculum and teaching digital media literacy, but also have complete cell phone bands and so how does an educator mitigate that and work to find a balance between the two?
DG: You know, that's the best question you've asked. I mean, I don't know. I actually go crazy over this, because you're right. On one hand, we are banning, banning like crazy, you know, restricting kids from social media, which is just this tiny bit of the internet, restricting them from that till they're 16, taking the phones out of the classroom, and then, on the other hand, doubling down on having kids learn in front of a computer. So it's like, What message are we sending to kids? It's like technology is bad, unless I say it's good. And then secondly is, you know, you cannot ban technology from the planet, so you've got to teach a child how to use it in a safe and wise way. And you know, when I'm teaching, I consider the cell phone is like a tool, you know, sometimes we're doing a lesson, and not every child has time to pull out their laptop, or whatever, you know, and they can look there and use it to look something up, or they can take a picture to reference later, or they can understand how to use it in a way that's productive and positive, instead of, you know, the ways that we worry that they're sharing inappropriate information. So I think education is really stuck in a weird place right now. I mean, we have to decide, are we for or against the tools? And if we are kind of in the middle, let's educate the kids and how to use them in a safe and responsible way, and let's model that as educators in schools.
WSHU: That brings up an interesting point: can social media be a good thing?
DG: Oh yeah, for sure. I mean, you know, I see so many kids using it in a positive way, to uplift each other or share things that they're not learning about in school, or to comment on what a great day they had together, and that's lovely, and we want to encourage that. We ban it entirely; we're not helping kids develop the skill of being positive and proactive with social media. So I think it's unfortunate. You know, of course, we see all the negative ways it's being used or maybe influencing our kids, but we completely fail to look at the other side of the coin. For some kids. I mean, I have so many stories of this when I was teaching, you know, children that are super shy and hard to talk to their friends because, you know, for whatever reason, especially middle school, is such a tough time for kids, but then they connect online, and it's more comfortable for that shy child to reach out to somebody that maybe they didn't have the guts to do it in class. And I saw that so many times, and I saw the students being lovely to each other. So I don't know, I'm such an advocate for trying to look at the bright side and helping kids, you know, develop and augment those kindness skills and those empathy skills. And you know, if we shut them off completely, they're not learning how to do that with our guidance.
WSHU: Parents may or may not have the same exposure to technology as their children. Can you go into a little bit more about some of those sort of non-digital methods or tools that they can use to teach their children?
DG: Yeah. I mean, you know, every cyber civics lesson is taught without a tool. You know, we're talking about things in the classroom that you don't even need to look at the computer to have the lesson. I mean, cyberbullying, digital drama, digital reputation, all that stuff. There are ways to talk about it without really knowing anything about technology. I mean, talk about digital reputation, for example. I mean, you can have a conversation with your child about the impact of what they post online and who might see it, and how it could impact their future if they apply to college or a job, those people might look up their reputation and decide, oh, this person said something back then, I don't think I want to hire them or give them, you know, entry to my college. All of that stuff is conversation, and you don't need to be an expert, or you don't even need to have a tool, to have those conversations with your children.
WSHU: If a parent or an educator were listening to this right now, what is one thing that they can do that can make them feel empowered about how they're teaching their children about the digital world?
DG: Well, the number one thing I always say is that a parent or teacher, if they're not either teaching or their children are not getting any kind of digital literacy, media literacy, or AI literacy in the classroom, they need to pick up the phone and call the school. Call the district and say, why not? And you know, right now, only half of the states in the US are teaching media literacy in school, which is horrible. You know, it's tough. I mean, this is a big, complex digital ecosystem that we need to prepare our students to use or be part of in very safe, wise, and wonderful ways, and we're not doing that by just blocking it. So that would be the number one piece of advice I would have. And then what I always tell parents is, curiosity is your best friend. You know, whatever your child is looking at or doing or curious about, you be curious too. And I learned that as a teacher, just asking my students so many great questions, like, “What influencers do you like on YouTube?” And then writing down the names they say, and going home and looking them up and going, Oh, that guy's kind of cool. You know, just curiosity, and then you will learn so much about your child's digital life, and that right there is what they need.
WSHU: And I think you have quite an interesting perspective, because a lot of the time the conversations about, you know, what's going on with technology, social media, phones, about young people, I hear from adults. And so what are you hearing from children that you think the adults are not hearing?
DG: Well, I think children would tell you that they're using it in kind of cool ways that adults aren't even curious about. And I knew that. Like, I think back to, like, in the classroom, kids telling me what they were putting on Snapchat, and they said I was the first adult that ever asked them that question. And that's so sad. And like, I remember a girl saying, my mom's never interested in what I'm doing online. And I thought it's for me, it's eye-opening, because I learn a lot, you know, I didn't grow up with this stuff, and so just finding out how they're using it and what they're doing with it, you know, it's pretty, pretty interesting. So right there, I think that would be the biggest thing I would tell parents is, again, ask your children, ask your students what they're doing, you'll be surprised.
WSHU: Anything else that you would like to add that you think it's important that our listeners hear?
Graber: Well, you know, what I think a lot about is that we are still so fixated on, you know, banning certain social media networks, and it's like, Are you kidding me? I mean, we've got AI coming fast and furious, so we need to look ahead, not backward, and really prepare these kids for AI, for an AI world by giving them lessons in AI literacy. It is invisible and it's everywhere, and kids are interacting with it already. So we are missing the boat in educating them for the future by looking at the past. So really encourage schools and teachers to remember that AI literacy is a really important part of digital literacy and digital citizenship. It should all be taught together.
