WSHU: I'm Randy Kaye with Good at Heart. You know, not all journeys begin with starting a nonprofit. Some professions, just by their very nature, are a good choice at heart from the beginning. I doubt that too many in the teaching profession are motivated, say, by getting rich, but we'll find out in a minute. Teaching can be, I think, extra tough these days, and yet the love is so evident. And with me today are two such teachers. This may be the first of a few episodes that highlight how good at heart those who teach our children are. So I want to begin by asking you, Heather, we'll start with you. Your name, what you teach, and where?
Heather Delude: Oh, my name is Heather Delude, and I teach both English and theater grades nine through 12, everything from ninth-grade English all the way up to AP. I've taught in many, many different districts, but I've been at Wilton High School for a little over a decade.
WSHU: Okay, welcome, Stephanie.
Stephanie Pilla: Hi, I teach second grade in New Milford, Connecticut, at Northville Elementary School. I was also in Darien for a while, but am rounding my sixth year now in New Milford,
WSHU: Closer to home.
SP: Exactly.
WSHU: Miss Pilla, okay, so we have a second-grade teacher and we have a high school teacher. I have five standard questions that I ask. I'm going to start with the first one: who do you help and how?
HD: First of all, I work with some of the most misunderstood and underestimated groups of our society, and that is teens. And I would say, I help teens, but I would rather say, I help society. In helping teens, I think I help them find their voice in this ever-complicated world. I would also say, through English and theater, particularly, I help them find their empathy. I help them become listeners and speakers, and I help them know that they have a meaningful place in this world, and ultimately, that they are loved.
WSHU: I normally don't cry till the last question, but I'm already there, okay, because yes, you know, teaching empathy through theater, through fiction, that is a gr/eat, great tool. Stephanie, how about you? Who do you help and how?
SP: That's amazing. I first want to thank Heather, because I have two adolescents of my own, so you are doing amazing work. Special age group, I help second graders grow, not just academically in early elementary ed, but as people. Every day, I create a classroom that I try to make feel like a family. I tell the children, I want you know, my little people to feel safe, valued, and I want their voices, although very small, I want their voices to be heard. We learn how to take care of one another in my classroom, we learn how to celebrate our friends' successes, and we celebrate our differences, too. We work together, we collaborate. It's the small moments, you know, helping a friend, including someone new, using kind words. That's where I really see the biggest growth.
WSHU: Wow, that is so amazing. Now, just you know, where I am, my children are more grown than yours, but I have grandchildren in elementary school, so they're second, third, and fourth grade, boom, boom, boom. And so they happen to have fantastic teachers, and I am, as a grandmother now, in awe, in awe of teachers. This is an extra question, but you've both been teaching for many years is a little harder these days. So you're both nodding. Stephanie, I'll just start with you.
SP: Sure, I do. I do feel like teaching is a little harder today. I feel like our world is a little harder. You know, children are growing up faster today, with technology and social media, and our expectations are greater in education and, you know, just in life. So I feel like that speed for children could be anxiety-provoking, and I do, I feel like it's a little bit more challenging today.
WSHU: Thank you. Heather, how about you?
HD: I'm struck at what she said, because sometimes I think there's, you know, oh, there's a difference between elementary and high school. And boy, is there not because of everything she just said, I would “Yes, and” to and just say that they are profoundly affected by technology. Everything that is coming at them, everything in the world that is telling them that they are not good enough. The constant interaction with social media. We are at a cell phone-free high school, and it is one of the greatest gifts. And when I say cell phone-free, I mean from bell to bell. And I am seeing such growth and happiness again, in the hallways, in our conversations, in the laughter, in the connectedness. And I think that sometimes we demonize, particularly teens. And I want to say that this is the world that they have inherited. They did not create this. I think it is more difficult growing up today, and they need a sense of love and acceptance, and a platform where they can be safe. Because most of the world, particularly the online world, is not a safe place for them. I would say that has become more challenging just to teach a kid how to look one in the eye, how to be a good listener, how to react, how to step outside their comfort zone, and deal with the rising sense of anxiety and lack of self-worth. I've lost a few students who've passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, including one this year, and I'm here to say that they need more love. They might be in what you believe to be adult bodies, but they need about as much love as a second grader.
WSHU: Second grader. Yeah, you know. Thank you. And I think we could probably do an entire episode on this. My daughter works at Fairfield High School. She's a college and career counselor, so she sees them basically during junior and senior year, but she's part of the community there, and they've also gone bell-to-bell, cell-phone-free. She's seen a huge difference. In fact, as a fellow actor, Heather, you’ll appreciate this. know one of my favorite shows, The Pitt, that Noah Wiley has created a cell phone-free set, where they just put their phones away and have a little lending library. And he says, “We have the most well-read cast,” because there's a lot of downtime when you're doing a show. And so it's going to be very interesting to observe the changes that happen when people look each other in the eye again.
SP: So true.
WSHU: It is a convenience. And I know my grandchildren have strict guidelines about screen time, which I, you know, thank goodness my daughter feels that way about it, and I can support her parenting, but I'm so glad you said that, because I do know college acting teachers. And I asked about three years ago, speaking to one she's been teaching for 20 years, and I said, What do you notice now about the freshman? She goes, “Oh, well, I have a lot of things I didn't have to work on before. It takes about three months to bring them up to speed with human connection.” And this was at the time when there weren't bell-to-bell cell phone bands. So hopefully that is helping your kids to connect and get away from the relentless interference that screens can be although they are a convenience in some way, said, from a person who's going to have a Zoom rehearsal tonight. But anyway, okay, so I want to ask you the next question, which is, why do you like? How did you get to become a teacher? What was your motivation?
HD: I was in acting. I come from a Chicago improvisational background. I was on tour and found out I was having a baby. I had been teaching improvisation, mostly to adults, but also to teens. And I thought, well, this is a segue. I was also a reader and an English major. And I thought, this will be mom-friendly. Oh, boy, this will give me more time. And it was a natural leaning in. And I think actually, I went into teaching in my 30s, and I think actually, having the experience in the outside world has made me a better teacher. And I do, I know it's cliché, but I do believe it is a calling. I can't imagine a day of my life without teaching in some way.
WSHU: I love that. And I said, Stephanie, you're nodding your head vehemently over there. So what? What is your story of wanting to be a teacher?
SP: So I agree with Heather, it is a calling. I actually come from a long line of educators, starting with uncles, aunts, and my own mother, who then became a principal for a long time. So I guess I was inspired from day one, growing up in my mother's classroom as a child. And then playing school myself for years, gathering the neighborhood kids in my basement, in my fake classroom, being a little bossy, but definitely, you know, hopefully teaching them something, but…
WSHU: You were a leader, not bossy. You were a leader.
SP: Thank you. I love that. What inspired me to go into elementary education is that I feel like that's where everything kind of begins. The way children learn to treat other children at this age really stays with them. This matters to me because teaching academics is so important. My passion is teaching them how to be people who go out in the community and be good humans and send them on to Heather, hopefully with a lesson or two from second grade. You know, I'm hoping to shape compassionate humans who understand they belong and that others do too. That's really important to me, and that's what inspired me to get into the profession.
WSHU: I love that, and something you may not know about me, I was a drama teacher for 12 years at a private school in Fairfield. And, you know, I got into it because I could, and I wanted my kids to go there. It was a mom thing,
SP: Sure.
WSHU: You know, I got so much out of watching growth. And watching students who didn't know where else to shine suddenly discover that they could do this terrifying thing they thought they couldn't do. They don't love it, but they could do it, to like, “Oh my god, get the spotlight on me.” Everybody has a different calling. You know, have three grandchildren in two and a half years, and you see how each one has different has different skill set. I'm sure, as teachers, you see that all the time.
HD: May I build on something she said, too, that, again, I'm just amazed by how many connections there really are between the grade levels? And I would say too, whether it's second grade curriculum or again, I mean, I teach at a very high performing high school, so I'm teaching Tolstoy to Hemingway to Margaret Atwood to James Joyce. And I will say that it's never about that. It's about reading that and understanding their place in the world and what they have to say. After reading Emerson Hemingway, Atwood, and George Eliot, you know, it's just amazing to me how the connections we really do all teach the same thing: people first, academic second, truly.
WSHU: And the fact that teachers, this is why we're here. Except for a teacher of the week, or the contests or whatever, or the mugs that you probably get when school closes, but you know, or Target gift cards, I don't know what they give, but I just wanted to honor both of you and all teachers through you. So Question three is, what inspires you? Is there somebody who helps you or inspires you with what you do?
HD: I mean, I certainly can say specific and individuals. I've certainly learned from many of my veteran teachers, I think that have been mentors to me. Now I'm a veteran teacher, so I'm hoping I'm the mentor, but I think that anybody who lives unapologetically and does that in kindness and love, and I think my students inspire me most. I could tell a story. Recently, there was a student who was male presenting, and he used to wear a skirt to school every day, and I mean a big, flouncy, gorgeous taffeta, you know, in multiple colors. And as you can imagine, life was not easy for him in high school. Recently, he reached out to me. He is a fashion designer, one of the top ones in New York right now.
SP: Wow.
HD: And I recently reached out to me about a wedding coming up, and I thought, Now here are the rewards of living unapologetically and fearlessly yourself and not in harm of others, but in their expression that allows others to do the same. You know, living in their light and living in their truth inspires others to do the same, and I think so many of my students do that on a daily basis, even though it's more difficult than ever to do so, especially what the consequences that will be on technology or media or that kind of thing. And they inspire me, and I think, well, if they can do that, then I certainly can come do this.
SP: That's incredible.
WSHU: Stephanie, who inspires you with any quote or any kind of orders that your students?
SP: Sure? I agree with Heather. First of all, teaching is kind of a payback profession. So the mentors, I mean, I'd be here all day if I listed them. I've had so many amazing mentors along the way. I'm grateful for the school district I teach in, and particularly my Northville elementary school, my leaders there, and our admin team. You know, they put children first. You know, relationships over rigor. It's just who we are. But my students certainly do inspire me. They take risks every day. Second graders are just so cool. You know, they're resilient. They say what they feel. They do know they're honest. I had a student just the other day say, Mrs. Pilla, did you have your coffee today? You look where? Today? You look really tired, and I'm like, You are so perceptive. I'm exhausted, and I did not stop for that coffee run. A quote that really inspires me is by Maya Angelou: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." And that is so true to me.
WSHU: I love that. And you know, my second-grade grandchild is a boy, and he's the only one who likes you're wearing mascara today. How does he even notice?
SP: They’re perceptive.
WSHU: Completely surprising. Children are completely surprising. Teenagers. Do you just never know what they're thinking, and to watch them blossom as a parent and as a grandparent, you get a long view. As a teacher, you may see them for four years, and I'm sure some kids come back to visit you when they're big and tall. And yes, okay, so teaching is hard these days. You. Get some flak. I think you get some blame, I think, and again, we could talk for an hour about that. I know as a kid, I was told to do what the teacher says. So with that said, as a challenge, let me ask you the solution question. How can other people help? Do teachers help you right now?
HD: You know, I taught in many different districts all the way from Waterbury to Norwalk to Wilton, but I would say, no matter what the transaction is, is to stop looking at education as some kind of deal or transaction, whether it's, you know, I'm going to do this and I'm going to get this grade, because it's going to set me up for here. It is a transaction of sorts, but not a monetary one. It's one of the human spirit. And I would say to get involved with your child, even in high school. In fact, they may need you more there. Okay? To get involved, to communicate with your teachers, and to partner with your teachers. We all truly want the best for your child, to celebrate when your children do well, to hold them accountable when they are when they do something they regret. And they will, as I will, none of us are perfect, so I think partnership is key, and the more that you can partner with your child's teacher, especially, I would beg you in high school, that they are not adults. They do need help. They do need guidance, they do need support. So I think partnership is the number one thing. And I'm very lucky. I think I've had amazing parents all the way through. I also want to give a shout-out to my administration, because I feel utterly supported. You know, being an English teacher, I'm sure you can imagine it's difficult. I've sat on committees where people want to remove certain books from the curriculum. I feel very lucky that I have a student first, even, even, despite all their pressure that they have in districts to put certain SAT scores out, or even real estate prices being attached to it, and I think that my job would not have been possible, and I would not have stayed as long as I have in a certain district I am, if I did not have the backing of people that that have my back, from the guidance counselor to the custodian to the vice principal to the paraprofessional. We are a family.
WSHU: That's wonderful. Stephanie, anything to add?
SP: That's hard to follow. That was amazing, Heather, but I would totally agree we're not. Schools are not a business. You know, we're a family, we're a community. We're shaping minds, we're growing humans. And, you know, education is not one size fits all. It's just not what I have a famous kind of saying in my classroom, but the children will fill in the blank. We say, “fair is not the…” and they fill in the blank, “fair is not the same”. It's getting what you need to be successful, because you'd asked earlier how the classroom has changed. You know, we it's changed for the better too. We have a lot of understanding of things now. We have a lot of tools we can give children to cope with different anxieties and academic struggles in second grade. I don't know if you get this in high school, but in second grade, sometimes you'll get, well, that's not fair. Why do they have a fidget that's not fair? Why do they get to go into the Rest and Reset Corner, you know? And so we kind of get rid of that by saying, hey, fair is not the same, you know? It's getting what we each need to be successful. And then we kind of go around our little restorative circle, saying our strengths and our weaknesses and what we need and respecting that. So I just think if the communities and families can also model that at home and in sports teams, and you know, other places, it would just be so wonderful.
WSHU: That's great. That is a new retort for me, because my normal answer is, Well, life isn't fair, so I like that better. Fair is not the same. It's when I talk to my grandchildren, and you know, they're special, but I always say, you're special to us, in our family, but everybody in your class is just as special to their family, so that everybody is special to their people, their group, you know? And I don't want them to feel any more special than anybody else in their classroom. It's secondary advice, because I'm the grandmother, not the mother. But you know, it's not this kind of like I'm entitled, because I'm more special than anybody, like the opening song in Matilda, right? So, so, yes, this is a wonderful conversation, and I can't believe it, but we're at our final question, which is, why do you think we're here on Earth? And I think I've given you time to think about it, but Heather, why do you think we're here on earth?
HD: Well, again, I hate to be cliché as an English teacher, but it truly is to love one another, to support one another. I come from an improv background. It is, “yes, and”. It is empathy in action. It is, make your partner look great. This is a collaboration and not a competition. And I think that's important, and that love should extend to all living things on this planet as well. And I think that's such a basic message, but it is being lost today, and it is absolutely true.
WSHU: Thank you. Yeah, it's beautiful. Stephanie,
SP: I would totally agree. I say that we're here to take care of one another, and that's, you know, to lift each other up to learn from our differences and to leave people better than we found them. If my students leave my classroom knowing that I love them and they are loved and they have the power to make others feel that way, then I really feel successful, happy, and fulfilled.
WSHU: Wow. Okay, so I always know that it's striking a chord when our producer, Ann Lopez is nodding her head vehemently in the other room, she is doing Heather and Stephanie, you have my love and respect and kudos for everything you do to to help our children become empathetic, kind and, I guess, smart In the emotional way, and probably intellectual as well, and to helping them feel included and loved, and being a partner in raising good people. Thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you for having us. So much for having
HD AND SP: Thank you. Thank you for having us.
