When Odysseus returned from Troy, he had a story to tell and, fortunately, somebody wrote it down. Homer’s Odyssey is probably the world’s first really good travel story. I haven’t seen the new movie, but I have read the book, and it is quite an adventure even without pictures - a highly imaginative account of a Mediterranean cruise during which the hero met interesting people like cannibals, monsters, and tempting women, and even made a side trip to hell. We went on a Mediterranean cruise once, and it was nothing like that. The secret of a good traveler’s tale is to have plenty of exotic characters and dramatic incidents, and the Odyssey is full of both.
Like Odysseus, we all want to tell stories about our travels, and we would like them to be as interesting as his were – the stories, that is, not the travels. But good storytelling requires forethought and planning. Like movie directors, we must think about the settings, the plot, and the characters that will lift our travel experience out of the ordinary and make it a tale worth hearing.
The setting should be unfamiliar and exotic. If you go to Venice, for example, what can you possibly say, except, as Mark Twain observed, that the streets are full of water? On the other hand, Kabul or a remote village in the Welsh mountains, or a sailing trip round the pirate coast of Somalia may yield stories that will not only entertain your friends but may provide material for an article in The New York Times travel section or even – if things go badly – a survival memoir.
I suppose we have all been guilty of boring our friends and relatives with tedious travel stories. I know I have, many times. But, having gone to the trouble and expense of traveling, you need to tell somebody about it, whether they want to hear it or not. Every experienced traveler knows that a journey unfolds in three parts: eager anticipation beforehand, the wonderful memories you have afterward, and the tiring and tedious experience of the travel in between. It’s the memories we want to hear.
Photographs are no substitute. On the tiny screen, every foreign place and every smiling group looks the same, which is why a good story is worth a thousand pictures, and why some preparation is required. Before leaving for your trip, think about the picturesque characters you might meet, and the amusing things they might do or say. Consider the mysterious events and ridiculous accidents that might happen, the strange foods you might eat, and the hilarious language problems you might encounter. Those are the building blocks of a good story and, because stories are always better than real life (or why do we read fiction?), you need to imagine them in advance.
Authenticity is not a problem. Your fantasies about perpetual sunshine, brilliant golf scores, enormous fish caught, painless romances accomplished, and even impressive books read will be accepted and enjoyed by friends and family, but only as long as you pretend to believe theirs. If your own vacation tales are really exciting, really original, and really funny, you might almost wish they had actually happened.
