If sheer numbers of plush bears and red hearts could create romance, this would be the most romantic week of the year. But I have the feeling that romance – in the sense of exaggerated, idealized, uncontrollable love – is yesterday's news. Romance is about being swept away, losing your bearings in a sea of passion and even, in very serious cases, writing poetry.
We have plenty of sentimentality. We could easily drown in sentimentality. But that's superficial. Romance is different, more personal and much deeper, whether it’s Romeo and Juliet or two starry-eyed corporate lawyers. Two people are drawn together by a mysterious, almost magical force of attraction that cannot not be controlled or explained. This scenario is played out in a million songs, where one enchanted evening, suddenly across a crowded room, you may see a stranger, and somehow you know, you know even then, that somewhere you'll see him (or her, or him) again and again. That was the old-fashioned way, the Rogers and Hammerstein way.
What dominates the dating market now is the computer-generated relationship opportunity, made possible by services like Match.com and dozens of others like Elite and eHarmony. They are the traditional dating service, updated for the 21st century. There are literally millions of registered users, so for people in search of love, the internet provides much more choice and more information much faster than hanging out in neighborhood bars. You can specify all kinds of personal preferences, some so exotic that I don’t even understand what they are. There are even sites for senior citizens, though not as senior as me. Fill in the details, one click, and you may click. But where’s the romance in it? This is exactly how we choose a lounge chair or a coffee pot, by looking at enhanced online photographs and inflated descriptions. Speaking of descriptions, a whole internet industry has grown up to spy on your potential dates and reveal whether they really are who and what they pretend to be. Since nobody on earth is what they pretend to be, this could lead to a very lonely life indeed.
The new romance claims to be the old romance brought up to date and up to speed. Yet it takes us back to the age of Jane Austen and what we might call the age of calculation in personal relationships, before the romantic movement of the 19th century introduced an element of magic and mystery. Jane Austen's heroines didn't have an internet connection, of course. But they had something far more sophisticated and discriminating – their mothers – and the whole process of selection took a long time. In the case of “Pride and Prejudice” it took two hundred pages of exquisite humor and domestic drama just to get the hero and heroine to go out walking together. With computer dating Elizabeth and Darcy could have fixed up their relationship in a few clicks. I don’t know much about the romance novels of the 21st century, but I have to assume that they have become much, much shorter.
Copyright: David Bouchier
