I read an article in a magazine about young people who make pots of money by becoming “Influencers” on the internet. The idea of making pots of money without any real work has always appealed to me, although I have never succeeded in actually doing it. The “Influencers” described in the article, though rich, didn't seem to be particularly talented or intellectually gifted, so I thought there might be a niche for me in this new industry.
Those of us who are behind the times and understand nothing important may need a little explanation. An influencer is (and I quote the Delphic Oracle of our times, Mr. Google), “A person with the ability to influence potential buyers of a product or a service by promoting or recommending the items on social media.” The majority of Influencers are celebrities, who are no doubt deservedly famous for being famous. But there are many more who, less celebrated, are called Micro Influencers.
I decided that I would fall into the second category, Micro Influencer, because my influence is very small and even cats pay no attention to my suggestions. But the influence required is not of a moral or behavioral kind, such as influencing a cat to get off the couch. It is more of an economic kind, a matter of persuading people to buy products, or brands as we cutting edge Influencers like to call them. So I need to find a brand to recommend, something that I buy myself. This is not easy, because, I don’t buy very much. This past weekend, for example, I purchased four large screws from the hardware store, a forty-pound bag of bird seed, and some toothpaste. I’m afraid that my consumption patterns may not be glamorous enough to excite the online crowd.
Also – and this may be a serious obstacle – Influencers apparently lurk only inside smartphones and on what I call the anti-social media, places that I never visit. I suppose I could get one of those smartphones, there is a shop nearby that sells them. But I make very few phone calls, for which I use my phone at home. It has a wire attached and works perfectly, but doesn’t seem to have the right features for Influencing.
This electronic illiteracy may be why I have escaped the influence of the Influencers so far, although I am sometimes influenced in other, non-electronic ways, as when I choose a book to read from a review for example, or buy food in the supermarket, where my choices often depend on our domestic Influencer-in-chief, namely my wife.
It may be that, without all these new Influencers and all their slippery ancestors in the advertising and PR industries, all the way back to P.T. Barnum, we can never hope to know what to do, where to go, or what to wear. The choice is, after all, more or less infinite, and I feel I have been left behind by this exciting new cultural development. Suppose I decide to buy something? How will I know what it should be? I need an Influencer I can trust – a paragon of taste and discretion who understands my preferences, my limitations, and my budget.
This seems to leave only one option. I must abandon the hope of getting rich by influencing others, and just influence myself.
Copyright: David Bouchier
