The desire to make things clean and tidy in the springtime seems to be almost a biological urge, and like most biological urges, it should be resisted. Spring may be the season of renewal and new beginnings, but there’s no point in going crazy about it. The energy and optimism we feel at this time of year shouldn’t be wasted on cleaning.
Back in the days when people knew how to enjoy themselves spring was a season of joy and happiness, music and dancing, not domestic labor. The Romans had a great festival in honor of Flora the goddess of springtime and, in primitive countries like England, the annual spring ritual would be the maypole dance, in which young virgins, youths and maidens, would dance around on the village green, holding long ribbons attached to the top of a pole. As they circled the ribbons would wind around and get shorter and shorter until the dancers were all very close together. Obviously, this sort of thing couldn't be allowed in these puritanical days, even if we could find young persons qualified to take part.
Naturally there were accidents during the celebrations – drunken falls, heart attacks, and inappropriate liaisons. Nobody cared much about that. But now we have legal liability, and political correctness, and the health police. A bit of wild partying can easily land you in court. The maypole dance might get you sued for discrimination against the disabled, or the merely dizzy. Excessive drinking can lead to huge medical bills. It’s safer to stay home and tidy the closets.
Another dismal modern phenomenon is what we might call springtime double jeopardy. Not only are we expected to clean, we are also expected to diet. In fact the quest for domestic order is very like dieting. It’s easy to achieve some short-term success, but almost impossible to maintain it. We are seduced by the many forms of disorder, just as we are seduced by the infinite varieties of food. The habits of a lifetime are just that – the habits of a lifetime.
I have felt the tug of the spring-cleaning disease myself, but only very faintly like the gravitational pull of a distant star. I never have any trouble ignoring the symptoms. In fact I can safely allow my mind to roam over the many possibilities that present themselves to my imagination at this time of year. The bird feeders need cleaning, the garage is a mess, my car is a disgrace, and there must be a hundred small odd jobs waiting for me to attack them with a hammer, or a chainsaw or a screwdriver, or a power drill. I have a lot of tools in the garage, because I like tools. But I don’t like using them, in case they wear out.
The good news is that there are more and more specialized services out there to take over these tasks and allow us to enjoy our lives. Domestic cleaning is a whole industry, and even the traditional handymen are back in the form of franchise operations. It’s only a matter of time before we can look forward to weight-loss services, offering a range of large people who will exercise and diet on our behalf.
But the best and cheapest solution to springtime madness is just to wait it out. Summer will come and, with luck, it will be too hot to do anything at all.
Copyright: David Bouchier
